Friends
by Tawny Owl
Summary: Tonks rambles about her friends in the Order. They might be trying to tell her something. Could one relationship be something more and is it worth taking the risk?
1. Prologue

Good friends are hard to find, especially these days when I am just too damn busy. I'm always moving, from work, to Order duty, to visiting my mum because she's owled to say it's been so long since she's seen me it feels like she doesn't have a daughter anymore. I have friends from school that I still meet occasionally in some of the cafes in Diagon Alley. I'll take an hour for lunch, or skive off early to see pictures of their children, or to hear them moan about their boss and the price of decent cauldrons. They've learnt not to ask what I'm up to because if I told them I'd have to kill them, well modify their memories anyway. Besides they don't really want to hear about the wizards out there who are dark and dangerous or just plain selfish. The only friend from school I can really have a conversation with is Charlie, and that's only when I can distract him from dragons. I'm not a total sob story though, really, I mean considering how completely dead my social life is at the moment there's still hope.


	2. Work

I don't mean the other junior Aurors, no, nothing so normal. Although there was a time when we'd all go out and get drunk and boisterous thinking that we could convince ourselves we were making a blind bit of difference to anything.

"I see your optimism has worn off then", Kingsley says as he pushes my pint across the sticky table in the Muggle pub, "happens to us all in the end".

"Thanks a bunch".

"Don't worry, it gets better".

"Does it?"

I turn to Moody who is a cheap date, still only drinking from his hip flask, "you find a balance", he growls, "sometimes you make it better sometimes you don't. That's just how it works, the important thing is you don't stop trying lass".

I like Moody, most of the others think he's creepy and wonder how I can drink with that magical eye watching me, but he knows his stuff. He must do to have got me through stealth and tracking, and he can take a joke. No really he can.

"What happened to constant vigilance?" I quiped in St Mungos after he spent a year in an enchanted chest. Kingsley let out a bark of laughter and I hid behind the pink roses we bought as he threw a bunch of grapes at us.

"I thought I taught you to respect your elders", he sounded all angry and offended but he'd rather that than we had offered him sympathy.

Kingsley, now he's more like my older brother, any real friendship is kind of hampered by the fact that he's my boss, and uses that as an excuse to be superior and a bit annoying. He pushes and challenges me because he knows I can do it, even though sometimes it makes me want to slip bubotuber pus into his beer, but then he'll rest a hand on my shoulder and say "good work Tonks" in that smooth voice, and I'll forgive him.

His two favourite recruits, that's what Moody calls us, although I think that's more because we had the courage to join what the ministry is referring to as a terrorist organisation, rather then our actual Auror skills. Still I trust Kingsley to watch my back without having to be asked, and to cover for me at work, and he trusts me to still get the job done and not to put bubotuber pus in his drink, even though I really want to, like now for example when I casually ask if Remus is going to turn up tonight and he gives me that calculating look and then rolls his eyes at Moody.

"What?" I ask looking between them.

And even Moody smiles, at least I think it's a smile, it's hard to tell under all those scars.


	3. The Girls

**Disclaimer: In case you hadn't already noticed this is all JKRS really, but I forgot to put it in the prologue.**

Hmmm, always been better with men for some reason, I think it's because I've never been into all that girly preening, of course if I do want to change my hair I just have to think about it, which does give me an advantage. Anyway, at the moment, as embarrassing as it may seem my best girlfriends are teenagers. They're fantastic though, really cool, they both know exactly who they are and what they want from life. It's not that I don't like the other women at work, or in the Order, but Hestia giggles too much and elegant Emmeline is far too intimidating. As for Molly Weasley anyone who can make Head Boy Bill blush like that is a force to be reckoned with. Besides I think she knows I'm slowly corrupting her only daughter, not to mention the other impressionable young girl in the house. It started with covert advice on checking doors for enchantments, and mid night feasts and the next thing I know they are asking me for help with boys. Me! I was so flabbergasted that they thought I knew anything given my current abysmal state that I told them everything out of shock – even if it did make Hermione blush the colour of Ginnys hair. But from the sounds of things it's unrequited love corner in here and that's how I find myself curled up on the bed with a hot chocolate hearing myself say, "boys can be dumb, they don't see what's right in front of their faces. Sometimes they need a nudge in the right direction".

Ginny is stretched out on the other bed with Hermione and they exchange a look, "is that why you aren't with Professor Lupin yet?" the older girl asks. I snort hot chocolate out of my nose and realise it's my turn to go red.

"What makes you say that?"

They exchange looks again, it's the look that they usually reserve for grownups who just don't understand so I spend the next few minutes explaining that it is perfectly possible for two people who happen to be the opposite sex to also be just friends.

"Just friends", I finish definitely although I'm beginning to get the feeling I've been set up.


	4. Sirius

I swear I had no idea that my cousin was innocent. I'd like to say that I had believed in him all along, but I'd be lying. There are however some things about his escape from Azkaban, and later from Hogwarts that just don't make sense and which meant that there were an endless amount of things that I wanted to ask him. They just all seemed really inappropriate, given the circumstances, which was me, flat on my arse and wearing a trolls foot umbrella stand. Fortunately it turned out he had enough to say for both of us.

"Little Nymphadora".

"Tonks", I tried to sound grownup, but it ended up as a squeal as he pulled me to my feet and spun me round.

"Not so little now", he laughed as he checked me out, my mothers cousin actually checked me out in a hallway full of people. I was about to protest when he gathered me into a rib-crushing hug that smelt of cigars and Firewhiskey.

In fact that's mostly all I remember of my first Order meeting, there is of course a horrific memory of having to introduce myself in front of most of my former teachers, but even that has more or less been washed away by Sirius and the bright force of his personality. I swear the man's like a natural phenomena when he wants to be and it carried me right the way through the evening until I was drunk enough to ask, "so how exactly did you escape from Hogwarts?" Then of course he decides to be coy, and although he has been happy to talk about himself all night he just smiles vaguely and says, "for that story you'll have to ask my godson".

After that I become a bit of a fixture, I'll turn up early for a meeting and stay late, or pass through because I'm on duty later and want to catch up on the gossip. Sometimes the fact that it's a Tuesday is a good enough reason. No one seems to notice it, and besides there's a lot of catching up to do, and he is easy to talk to when he doesn't want to dominate the conversation, or isn't sulking, and for someone who can be so self-centred he is amazingly perceptive.

"Life's short Dora", he says to me one evening, "and it goes by far too quickly, so don't piss about".

"What?" up until this point we've been talking about Quidditch, but now he's pouring me another drink and frowning in the candle light.

"More importantly don't let him piss you about".

"Who?" I take a quick sip, because if this is like the other conversations I've had recently I can see where it's going, and I'm not sure I want it to. Not yet.

"Who do you think?"

I shake my head.

"Dung of course", he lets out a shout of laughter, the one that uses his whole body, throwing back his head and slapping his palm on the table. "You're on watch with him tomorrow aren't you? Don't want him skiving off to buy cauldrons when he should be watching your rear".

The moods changed again and I'm beginning to think he was just winding me up for the sake of it.

"I don't think I want Dung watching my rear".

"Fine. Drink up then, Moony wont be back for a while yet".

"What's that got to do with it?"

"Well as much as I like to think you come to see me, I'm beginning to suspect you of ulterior motives".

"You're being stupid". Damn, slightly too adamant there.

"Am I?"

"Yes".

He just grins at me then, the one that reminds me of the Sirius who used to visit my parents house when I was younger. Good old Uncle Sirius who I thought I could share anything with. Not this though, it feels too new, and just so damn unlikely. I don't even want to admit it to myself yet because Remus is my friend, hell, he's quickly become one of my closest friends, and I don't want to muck that up.


	5. Remus

He's the only person I'm not related to who knows how much I look like my pure blood relatives, but that's my fault I suppose because I started the stupid game and had already bullied him into telling me what he looked like when he was transformed. I don't mind though because we're friends and we can tell each other anything. I like the fact that he knows about me and is my friend anyway. Much like I'm his, even though I've seen the scars when they're still fresh. Not that he wanted me to, but that's what friends are for isn't it? Not listening to a damn word you say and helping you anyway because they know you feel bad really.

I think that's how it happened. How I managed to get passed all those barriers he thinks he's protecting himself with, and how he wormed his way through mine, because I may act like a mad extrovert but I'm sure I have as much baggage as he does. The strange thing was it wasn't awkward, and we hadn't been drinking, well I hadn't, not really. Plus it's not unheard of for us to find ourselves alone in the hallway because we've been with Sirius, or because we are crossing paths on the way somewhere else. This time though when he opens the door for me and gives me that smile I realise I'm in trouble and I don't thank everyone else for being right about this, because I really don't want to fancy one of my closest friends, not when they're so hard to find and so easy to loose.

I try to think of something to say to push the moment on but I'm still staring at him and he's still looking right back as though I'm the only thing in the world and we aren't standing there letting the cold air into the house. Another moment and I'm leaning back against the doorframe clutching the front of his robes and his fingers are in my hair and our lips are pushed together. He's warm and tastes of Butterbeer and I don't think I'll ever be able to get enough of him.

"Night then", I say finally.

"Good night Nymphadora", he's smiling again, slightly lopsided and a bit breathless. I know the feeling.

"It's Tonks, Remus", I whisper, and then because I'm nervous, "really, how many times?" And I slip outside, not entirely sure what to make of it all. Not entirely sure what's going to happen next, what I want to happen next if I'm honest.

It takes a while, a few days of pretending it didn't happen but standing closer to him because I can't bear not to, jumping when our hands brush and not quite meeting his eyes while Sirius looks smug and waggles his eyebrows at me.

Then when I finally feel brave enough to break the stalemate and practically corner him in the library, he shuts his book and looks up as though he's been expecting me. Which of course he has because he must have known my patience would give out first.

"Hello Tonks".

"We need to talk about this", I say quickly, and then double take, wondering what happened to 'Nymphadora'.

He doesn't ask what 'this' is but carries on talking calmly as though he's explaining the preferred habitat of Cornish Pixies and I realise belatedly that I've been battling with my own misgivings only to be confronted with his. He gives me three reasons why 'this' is a very bad idea and none of them are as imaginative as I thought they'd be. It takes all my effort not to give in and just shout at him, because that's not how you get through to Remus, unless of course you want the conversation to be reduced to quiet sarcasm.

"You know I don't care about any of that". I try offended pride instead, hoping for reassurance, but his face is already set into a mask, which means 'this' is really something he'd rather not deal with.

"But I have to care", he gets up, walking to the door around the opposite side of the sofa so he doesn't have to pass me.

"Remus", I say calmly, "I understand where you're coming from, really, but I'm just asking to talk about it"

Alright I'm lying! What I really want is to kiss him again because I enjoyed it the first time, quite a lot, and I'm tiered of trying to guess if he did as well or whether he was just being insanely polite or was in a state of shock. Better yet I want to find the people who have turned him into such an emotional mess and hex them into oblivion.

"There's nothing to say, really, it was my fault and I shouldn't have let it happen".

That shuts me up, I'm too astounded to even think straight for a moment, I mean who the bloody hell does he think he is? It wasn't like I gave him much of a choice after all, well, not after the initial lunge anyway.

I realise he's still there, hand resting on the door watching me carefully, probably in case I throw something at him, which if you know me, and he does, is a very valid fear. He doesn't look worried though, or even apprehensive but his jaw is tense and his free hand is pulling at a loose thread on his jacket. I don't think I've ever seen him that uncomfortable before, not even when Sirius threatens him with stories of his old girlfriends.

"Good night Nymphadora", his voice is just slightly too high and he shuts the door quickly.

"Tonks!" I shout after him, "it's Tonks you bloody idiot".

Then it hits me, not even my mother calls me Nymphadora any more. I wouldn't even let my mother get away with it, and yet he does it all the time. He's always there to pick me up without laughing or being patronising, and opening doors for me even though I joke and call him a chauvinist.

And he never once said he didn't fancy me, which is what you're supposed to do when your friend confronts you after an illicit snog in a hallway. Smile sheepishly and say how it was a mistake and you just don't like them in that way. Not point out in explicit detail why they shouldn't like you.

Oh Merlin.

Sirius and his stupid eyebrows suddenly seem like a lot more than a ploy to annoy me, and Moodys' smiles and Ginny rolling her eyes in despair. How long have they known about this?

Stupid bloody prat, and I'm not sure whether I'm referring to him or me, but it doesn't matter because Remus has gone nuts if he thinks I'm letting this go.

Our friendship has been shot to hell by both of us but the strange thing is I don't care because I've found something else underneath, and it's definitely worth fighting for.


End file.
